Thursday, December 27, 2012

"It's Ok" Thursday (My first link up)

My first attempt at a link up so I hope I do it right!! Linking up with Amber and Neely!

It's Ok... that I am wishing the last few days of this year would hurry up because I am ready for 2013!

It's Ok... that my house is still in disarray because of Christmas and I don't care!

It's Ok... that I have baby fever REALLY bad!

It's Ok... that I am in love with my new fitbit One

It's ok.. that I am new at this, but I love it!


Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Weigh In Wednesday

Good Morning people! I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas! My little family sure did! I guess Santa thought I was good this year because I got a Fitbit One!!

 I also reached my 10 pound loss mark and saw this on the scale this morning!

I also have some progression pics for ya ;) I am loving the comparison and progress I can see! Even though it is a slow process I am actually seeing results! Such motivation to keep on going!! Let's make 2013 our year ladies!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Weigh In Wednesday

So I decided that for me small steps and small changes will lead to big changes and big results! I have been slacking really bad on working out and until I get my fitbit and can drag my ass up at the butt crack of dawn I will focus on food and water. I have been drinking my water like it's my job! I have started really paying attention to portion control and listening to my body when it's full, not my head telling me to keep eating. Huge step for this girl, ladies. The small changes I made this past week lead to some pretty great results for me. Plus, losing all the water weight from TOM last week helped ;) So I won't make you wait any longer.

Yes! That's right! 248.8 equal 3.6 pounds down from last week! One pound away from my first 10 pound loss!! Bye Bye 250's FOREVER!!!! This is the biggest loss I've seen so far since I started in October. Slacker much? Yes I have been but with this feeling I have right now I think I wanna keep it forever! Here's to hoping next week will be another loss even though Christmas is next Tuesday. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but today..... Nobody can wipe this smile off my face!!!


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

FitBit for Christmas, Anyone?

My hubby told me he is getting me a FitBit One for Christmas! YAY! During the day, it tracks your steps, distance, calories burned, and stairs climbed. Come nightfall, it measures your sleep cycle, helps you learn how to sleep better, and wakes you in the morning. This is great for me because one of the reasons I stopped trying to get up early to workout in the morning is because my hubby always complained that my alarm woke him up and he wasn't able to fall back to sleep. Especially the days I would turn it off and go back to sleep myself and not get up! LOL The FitBit will vibrate on my wrist to wake me up so it will not wake anyone else. How cool is that? I am so excited, who woulda thought I would be excited about getting something like this for Christmas? This time last year I wouldn't have thought twice about this. "Fat girl" Shawna was still in full swing. Although I started "trying" to diet in April of this year  and didn't really get serious about it until October. I refuse to waste another year being unhealthy, obese, and uncomfortable in my own skin! I will do something about it this year! This is my year, I can feel it. My goal is to be 100 lbs. lighter OR at my goal weight (107 lbs. lighter) by my 30th birthday October 15th 2013!! Too big of a goal for 10 1/2 months away? Probably so but I am going to try my damnedest to get there! 

Thursday, December 13, 2012

My blog needs a make over

After reading my daily blogs I have realized that my blog needs a damn make over! There are so many cute, personalized blogs out there and I want one. I want to be one of the cool kids ;) Santa if you can hear me, mommy wants a blog make over for Christmas! Some of my favorites to read are:

The Real Nancy Clue
The Mustache Diaries
Cupcakes & Kickboxing

Check these out! You won't regret it!

I forgot to post yesterday for weigh in Wednesday. It was the start of the last loser standing challenge. So here it is:

Damn you TOM and 250's I am sick of seeing your ugly face!!!! Kill me now!

Monday, December 10, 2012

Monday Mantra

Hi! Yes, I know I have been MIA the past week (almost 2 weeks). The flu junk hit my house hard and my two little girls and I were sick. The hubby got it last and is still sick. Letmejusttellyou that shit is NOT fun!! I have not worked out in two weeks and trying to get back into that routine is so hard. Now that I feel better I just want to start back where I left off with Turbo Fire! I love that shit! Working on the food aspect of my weight loss and it is getting better little by little. I am SO close to kissing the 250's goodbye and my 10 pound loss mark I can taste it! Hopefully I will see 249 on Wednesday and the ten pound mark of 247 next week! This is my mini goal and I plan on working my ass off to get there because let's face it the number on the scale consistently going down really gets me headed in the right direction more than I thought it would! Now that I am not gaining and losing the same 5 pounds I am starting to see the bigger picture. Joined a little challenge called "The last loser standing" and as long as I maintain or lose every week I stay in. If I gain even .1 I am OUT. This is going to be keeping me accountable during the holidays and I love the idea. This starts on Wednesday so I will be posting my starting weight for the challenge and every Wednesday weigh in after that as usual :) Have a good day Hookers!

AND Today's Monday Mantra is:


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Will it ever get easier?

OK, I just want to start off by saying that I'm struggling. I know what I have to do and how to do it, so why is it so hard for me to stay on track and just do it? I have been "dieting" since I was 16 years old! I have always had body issues and always been the bigger girl in every group. I have tried every fast fix diet, pill, drink, you name it and I've done it. And as everyone knows it always ends up in weight loss that comes back and most of the time for me double comes back. I am trying to get the whole "diet" mentality out of my head and focus on the lifestyle change. The whole, nutritious foods, and exercise. I have lost and gained so much weight over the years I have lost track. I couldn't even tell you what my highest weight was because I never owned a scale for the simple fact that I didn't want to know! I am an emotional eater and am also trying to overcome that obstacle. Whether it's happy, sad, mad, whatever I feel the need to eat to try to fill whatever void I have at the moment or just for comfort. I mean it's like I have a part of my brain that triggers with emotion and I just eat. I want to fix it, I really do, but how? I do good for a while and then fall of the wagon and go right back to the same old me. I really started again in the beginning of October. I found an awesome group on FB with a bunch of awesome women all working to get healthy and fit! They inspire me and motivate me! After I found this group I decided to give it one last go and do it for good this time! At that point I went out bought a fancy little scale and went for it. I started out at 257.8 lbs. and last weigh in I was 252.8 lbs. so yeah 5 lbs. in two months. All because I don't stay on track and I loose one week and gain the next it's like a never ending cycle! I hear everyone say how it just "clicks" for them one day and I have had my moment where I told myself I never want to be this big again. I want to be healthy for my little girls. I want to be healthy, I want to be able to walk into any store and find something in my size. I want all these things yet I keep self sabotoshing. Why? Some have said "well, you just don't want it bad enough". I do! I REALLY do!! I know part of it is a cycle I have to break. Another part is always putting everyone else and their needs in front of my own. Walking around on eggshells to make everyone happy and have no conflict. I am a Libra and I am a lover not a fighter. I want peace all the time! LOL I am also a procrastinator, BAD! I know this is going to be a long road of trial and error. I really do want it ya'll and I am totally going for it no matter how many times I fall! Any suggestions or comments welcome! I learn new things everyday and am open to trying new things. Man, it feels good to get all this off my chest and out of my head! Hope you all have a fabulous rest of the day!!


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Weigh In Wednesday

Ok so I have been slacking with my blog. Last entry was last Friday and I totally am trying to do one everyday, but sometimes time just slips away from me. Then before I know it's already Wednesday and tomorrow is Thanksgiving! WTF? Where did this year go? It flew by way to fast! So here it is the dreaded scale... dun dun dun

Down .2 pounds from last week.Not much but at least the scale is going in the right direction! Now to have a loss next week after Thanksgiving is the hard part!

I have also been doing Turbo Fire and again I still love it! I also bought a new heart rate monitor watch so I could see how many calories I burn and what to log into MFP.

One day after my workout I took a pic and burned 777 calories!! WHAT?!! YES! AWESOME!!!!
I will keep working my butt off until I lose all this damn weight!! Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving and rest of the weekend!!


Friday, November 16, 2012

A Friday Quote To Live By

Ok so I love to look up quotes when I am feeling discouraged. It seems to help me out and make me open up my eyes a little more to what I need to be doing. It always gets me back on track. When I came across this one I absolutely loved it and it really spoke to me! Hope you enjoy it and hope it gives you a little more strength and motivation just as it did for me!!

Don't Quit
When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down, 
And you feel like the biggest failure in town.
When you want to give up just because you gave in, 
and forget all about being healthy and thin. 
So What! You went over your points a bit, 
It's your next move that counts...So don't you quit!
It's a moment of truth, it's an attitude change.
It's learning the skills to get back in your range.
It's telling yourself, "You've done great up till now.
You can take on this challenge and beat it somehow."
It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal.
You're still gonna make it, just stay in control. 
To stumble and fall is not a disgrace, 
If you summon the will to get back in the race.
But, often the struggler's, when loosing their grip, 
Just throw in the towel and continue to slip.
And learn too late when the damage is done, 
that the race wasn't over...they still could have won.
Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow, 
but facing each challenge will help you grow.
Success is failure turned inside out, 
the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.
When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit, 
If you bite it, you write it....But 
don't you quit! 
- Author Unknown

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Let's get the "Turbo Fire" Started

OK so I posted on Friday and was in a terrible mood and a little down in the dumps. Sorry if I brought your mood down with me! Back to feeling somewhat normal and as I said Friday I started my Turbo Fire (TF) Monday evening. Letmejustsay I LOVED it! It was fast paced, had music blaring in the background  and was a lot of kicking, punching, and kicking ass! The 40 minutes flew by and I was pouring sweat! I also did the stretch 10 class after that and cooled off. It was the best workout I've done so far. I felt so good after I was done and have never felt that sense of accomplishment from a workout before. I am sure it had to do with how many calories I burned. 694! Yes that's what I said and nobody is going to burst my bubble! I bought a HRM watch yesterday before I did TF to track calories burned so I could log it. Why did I not have this little device before? I think that is what made me so proud and feel so great about the workout because I actually get to see what hard work will add up to! I really think I have found my nitch in this journey and with TF, my new little watch, and my renewed attitude I think I will finally be able to go further than ever before! I don't know when the kick in the butt moment happened but I feel like I can really do it. I know I will fail at times still but I see those times getting fewer and further between! I hope to keep this feeling because today I feel good!


Friday, November 9, 2012

Friday Finds

1. TOM came today and I have not done good all week! Got one 30 min C25K in and that's it! Eating has been so-so but sweets are killing me!
2. It seems like I do really good one week and then the next I don't! I end up losing and gaining the same lbs. back!
3. Hoping that since purchasing Turbo Fire and starting this coming Monday that I can get my ass in gear and stick to it for once in my life!!
4. It's really hard when you feel like you are alone in this journey! I know I have alot of support here and on MLFC page but wish I had just one person here with me to be my accountability partner!

I'll never give up again now that I've REALLY started back as of October 1st. I just have those 

days where I eat like my old fat girl self and then regret it! I just tell myself slow weight loss is still 

weight loss! But I also know if I want to be at my goal by my 30th birthday next Oct.15th I need to 

kick it in gear and have less of those fat girl days, ya know? lol

Sorry for being the Debbie Downer

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Weigh In Wednesday

Well, I lost 1 pound this week. It's not much but it's better than staying the same or gaining! Plus, considering TOM is creeping up any day now it's awesome!! I have GOT to work on that body fat % as well! UGH :/ Hopefully this number comes down as weight drops? Any ladies have any insight to body fat % you'd like to share with me? Any info is helpful on this long journey I am facing!

I made some more tilapia and broccoli with cheese last night it is my new favorite dinner! SO good.

                                      Forgot to take the pic until it was almost gone :)

My little one was hyper last night and did not want to go to sleep! I played with her for a couple hours and she just would not give it up. She has been feeling under the weather lately and I am ready for her to start to feel better! Although you wouldn't be able to tell she doesn't feel well by the below picture.

Hope you all have had an awesome week so far. It's hump day and almost Friday! Whoop Whoop


Monday, November 5, 2012

Weekend Recap

Oh my it's Monday again already?! I had a good weekend but they are never long enough. Friday night we just stayed in. I went to vote and picked up McAlister's Deli for dinner! I was good, too! Usually I would have gotten (so embarrassed to even say this) the grilled smokey pepper jack turkey with 2 sides of potato salad, a piece of cheesecake, and a sweet tea. Instead I got half a grilled chicken potato and cup of chicken tortilla soup and I didn't even eat half of the potato. GO ME!!!

 After the girls went to bed, the hubby and I had a movie night and watched Wanderlust. It was hilarious!!

 Saturday my hubby took my 4 year old to work with him for a little bit so I decided to buckle my 15 month old into her stroller and go for a 30 minute walk/jog. Tried out my C25K app on my I phone and finished day 1!! Felt so good to get my butt moving and do something productive exercise wise on a Saturday!

 We didn't do anything Saturday night either it was nice to just be home doing nothing. Sunday I got up and did my laundry and cleaned up my mess of a house. The girls went to their Mimi's for part of the day to visit. I made some pumpkin muffins, man I can't get enough of those things! They are so good and low calorie. I also tried out the pumpkin fluff with apples. Ah-Maz-Ing!! All in all it was a good weekend and now it's back to the daily grind. It's a new day and a new week, let's make the best of it!!!!


Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Weigh -In Wednesday plus late weekend recap

Happy Halloween ladies!! Weigh in Wednesday sucked balls today! I stayed the exact same from last week. At least it is not a gain so I'll have to stay positive. I've been meaning to do a post since Monday but my hubby and I went on a weekend trip to San Antonio for his 30th birthday this past weekend. I made some very little healthy choices! We did walk everywhere we went so I'm sure that helped. We walked the river walk, had a fajitas and ritas dinner Friday, had a romantic dinner in the Towers of Americas Saturday, and went to the traders village Sunday before heading home.

 It was a really nice weekend with lots of quality time with my husband. We both enjoyed it so much! We came back Sunday and had the day off Monday so we just relaxed around the house and I got back to my routine. Tuesday back at work felt like a big ole Monday to me and it sucked! I made some pumpkin muffins for the first time last night and they are yummy and turned out to be only 114 calories each. Awesome.

 I am feeling really good today and like I can stay on track and do good finally. Tried my first Luna bar (one of the healthy choices I made) and it was pretty good. I got an extra so I ate it Tuesday morning.

I am finally starting the C25K tomorrow come hell or high water lol. I also just purchased the Turbo Jam Dvd's and hope to get my sweat on when those get here next week. Have my November calendar printed out so I can plan ahead (something I suck at) with food and exercise and be ahead of the game. I only lost 3 lbs. the whole month of October and I KNOW I can do better! I need to get my ass in gear because nobody is going to do this for me! I definitely want to be slimmer by December!! Let's kick November's ASS!!!!

                                                    Just tried this soup today! Love it! SO good
                                                    and only 200 calories for the whole can!


Thursday, October 25, 2012

Nominated for Liebster Award

Wow I feel like an official blogger! I was nominated for the Liebster Award three times! The Liebster Award is an award that blogger's give out to other blogger's who have less than 200 followers, but should have more. 

I was nominated by Brooke over at The Pursuit of Healthy, Patricia over at Legacy, and Melissa over at My life as a Folz

The rules, should you be nominated:
1. If you were nominated, post 11 things about yourselves
2. Then answer the 11 questions the person who nominated you created
3. Create 11 more questions to ask the bloggers you decided to nominate
4. Choose 11 bloggers to nominate with less than 200 followers
5. Make sure and let these people know you nominated them! No tag backs, so don't nominate someone who nominated you. 

11 things about myself

  1. I am married to my high school sweetheart. We have been together since I was 17 he was 18. We are now 29 and 30
  2. I have two beautiful daughters ages 4 and 1
  3. I drive a Dodge Challenger named Heidi and I love her (so not a mommy car I know but my husband has a company truck so we use his personal truck as a family vehicle)
  4. I can't live without my Iphone
  5. I am scared to death of cats and I REALLY do not like them YUCK
  6. I have three black and tan miniature dachshunds
  7.  I am a huge procrastinator
  8. I love food and hate exercise but I'm trying to change my lifestyle
  9. I am a reality T.V. junkie
  10. I record and watch General Hospital everyday
  11. Adele is my favorite singer. I love her music

11 questions from Brooke:

1. What is your biggest challenge with food?
Emotional eating

2. What is your favorite food?
Mexican food!

3. Do you have children?

Yes. 2 beautiful girls ages 4 and 1

4. Do you speak any other languages?

No, I know a little Spanish because my hubby is Mexican 

5. How do you manage to eat healthier while eating out?

I honestly haven't quite conquered this yet...

6. Who has been the most supportive person in your life?

My step-mom has been my rock since I was 7. Now my husband takes that role :)

7. What is your favorite genre of music?

I don't have a favorite I like most all music, but a few faves are country and 80's rock

8. How long have you been blogging?

About a month now

9. Why did you start blogging?

To keep me accountable for my weight loss and get all my feelings out in the universe so as to maybe not eat them all the damn time!

10. Your all time favorite blog to read:

Mama Laughlin

11. What is your favorite season?

11 questions form Patricia:

  1. Who is the most famous person you have ever seen in person? Kenny Chesney
  2. What is your NATURAL hair color? Dirty Blonde
  3. If you could spend one hour with any other living human being, who would you choose? Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson ;) 
  4. If you could spend one hour with any other deceased human being, who would you choose? Marilyn Monroe
  5. If you could travel anywhere, free of charge, where would it be? Rome
  1. Who would you choose as your plus one in the trip from #5? Husband
  2. What is the last thing you watched on Netflix? Crash
  3. If you could gain one skill that you don't currently possess, what would it be?  To be Artistic and creative
  4. What kind of car do you drive? Dodge Challenger
  5. How many tickets have you had in your life? 3 or4 
  6. If you could choose one food to make non-caloric, what would it be? Cheesecake!

11 questions form Melissa:

1. What’s your favorite hobby? Shopping

2. Do you have pets? If so, what kind? 3 miniature dauschunds

3. If you could live anywhere in the world where would you live? a beach somewhere in Florida

4. What do you write about in your blog? My weightloss journey, kids, and family

5. What’s your favorite healthy recipe? Crockpot chicken and salsa

6. If you could give one “diet” tip what would it be? Water, Water, Water

7. Where do you get your motivation? One of my best friends and all you lovely ladies at ML fit page!

8. Who do you most look up to and why?  My step mom- She has always been my rock and held our family together!

9. What are your goals? Either for this year or next? To be at goal weight next October 15th for my 30th birthday

10. What’s your go to “cheat meal”/indulgence? Mexican food or Cheesecake

11. How do you de-stress? Hot bubble bath and glass of wine

My 11 questions for nominees:

  1. What is one thing about yourself that most people don't know?
  2. Who's your favorite singer/band?
  3. What's your favorite time of year?
  4. What is one of your guilty pleasures?
  5. What do you hope to accomplish in the next year?
  6. Where is your favorite place to travel to?
  7. Are you married/have kids?
  8. What do you have most of in your closet?
  9. What's your favorite T.V. show and movie?
  10. If there was a quote to describe you or your life, what would it be?
  11. How would your best friend describe you?

My nominees are:
  1. Rebecca Stone at Poisoned Perception
  2. Ms Mae's Mommy at As we know it.
  3. Lauryn Roth at Cupcakes & Kickboxing!
  4. Emilie McAlister at Inch by inch and step by step
  5. Erin at Shesabigstar
  6. Sarah Smesny King at Challenge Accepted.
  7. Stacy at Momma Loving Life
  8. K May at Babe before Baby 
  9. Arlene Grant at Living Life Fully at Fifty
  10. yo-yo-mama at yo-yo-mama 
  11. Meggan at Our Naturally Bare Adventure

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Weigh In Wednesday

So here it is peeps the dreaded scale pic down only one pound from last week! But a loss is a loss so I'll take it. I will be so glad to get out of the 250's for good!!

So today is my wonderful husband's 30th Birthday! I got up a the crack ass of dawn and cooked him a birthday breakfast that included Cake batter pancakes click {here}for recipe on my food pinterest board, eggs, and bacon. I did so good and did not even have a bite!! I brought the leftovers to work and fed the guys here so I didn't eat it when I got home either. Big victory for me because I like LOVE sweets!! First time I've ever made the cake batter pancakes and hubby said they were delicious.

I only have to work till noon tomorrow and then off till next Tuesday. A little getaway just the hubs and I to San Antonio Riverwalk. Staying at the Omni in a river view room and I heard it is suppose to be really nice! Have I said I can't wait. I am still going to try and blog everyday so we will see how that goes.

Happy Hump Day Hookers!


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Feels like Monday all over again

So everybody has heard the saying "You find out who your REAL friends are". I am finding out more everyday who those people really are and how fake other people can really be. Someone who I was once really close to but now only talk to every couple months because of distance, really hurt me in a way I didn't think she ever would. Long story short I will never speak to her again because of it and it's really sad to me. I will never understand why people will lie, and connive to get people to accept them. Why hurt other people for your benefit? I just don't get it. On the other hand I am glad I am weeding out the fakes and only have time and room in my life for the few real friends I do have. The ones that no matter what will always stand by my side and never stab me in the back.

So needless to say my Monday really sucked yesterday and today it feels like Monday all over again. Luckily it's Tuesday and one more day closer to Friday. I am really looking forward to Friday because tomorrow my hubby turns the big 30 and we are taking a trip just him and I to San Antonio this weekend! Maybe baby #3 in the making lol I'm just kidding...ish 

On another note I've been reading up on all the blogs I found lately and I love them all. I get so much different perspectives on everything from some incredible people. When I first started my blog not too long ago I wanted to do a daily entry. As you can see I haven't done that. One of my goals is to start doing it because I really think it will keep me more accountable. Here's some motivation for ya!

Have a good day!!


Monday, October 15, 2012

Happy 29th Birthday to ME!!!! (Weekend Recap)

Hello hook-stars!! Today is my 29th birthday!

Bummed it's on a Monday and I have to work,but I am going to make it a great day anyway!! I had a good weekend with family and friends and lots of food!! I am already tired of eating out and still have to go two more times today. Friday it was Red Lobster with some family.

                                                    My LobsterRita from Red Loster Friday night

Saturday I took the kids over to our friends house to paint pumpkins and let the kids play. I love spending time with my awesome friends and love that our kids are making memories and will be lifetime friends!!

                                                    Layla and her hot pink pumpkin ;)

                                                                  Finished Product :)

Sunday I spent time with my babies and hubby all day! It was great!! My hubby took me to my favorite place to eat (Abuelo's). He also ordered me the new teal lifeproof case for my Iphone that I have been wanting! I love that man, and he sure does know how to spoil me!!

                                                                        Sisterly Love
                                                                      My babies

I plan on enjoying my birthday today and getting back on the grind tomorrow!! Starting two a day JM videos, counting calories, and drinking water like it's my job!! My birthday present to myself is to get healthy and start this new year the right way! Hope by my 30th birthday in a year I can be close to or at my goal weight!!!!

Happy Monday!


Thursday, October 11, 2012

More motivation from Mama L

Wow! Mama L’s guest post from her hubby sure got me thinking today! How my husband must feel as I am on this weight loss journey. How despite my weight gain he still tells me he loves me just the way I am and still shows me love. I wonder if he ever wishes I looked like was the girl he met almost 12 years ago. Of course he does! He has insecurities about me “leaving him” when I get “skinny” as he says. Of course I would never! I cannot even imagine what I look like “skinny”. In my eyes I have never been and will probably never be thin. Even if I get to my goal weight of 150 lbs. I will still be a curvy girl and that’s ok with me. As long as I get there and get healthy for my little girls.

I always tell my hubby that when I do get to my goal he is going to like LOVE it, he just doesn’t know it yet. I tell him how much more flexible I’ll be and how much more comfortable in the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong we have an awesome “bedroom” life and always have. That is one thing that is very strong in our relationship. I couldn’t imagine it getting much better but I know that if I am that much more comfortable with myself that it can.

The post really gave me even more motivation to find my inner skinny bitch and release her. Not only for me but for my hubby and all the good things that come with being happy, healthy, and fit. That being said it is going to take a lot of work, dedication, and determination. I am up for the challenge and I know it will not come overnight or even in a few weeks, or months. It will take time, effort and patience. I am glad to have my hubby by my side to support me no matter what.

Have a happy Thursday hookers!!


Friday, October 5, 2012

Freaky Friday

I am determined to make good choices this weekend!! I had a horrible day yesterday and my cheat meal turned into a cheat day! That's how it always goes with me, I self sabotage and I just need to learn to stop the cycle! How? I have no clue but I am taking one day at a time and trying to make one good decision in place of a bad one I would have made before. Baby steps, right?

I plan on doing the 30DS day 4 and 5 tonight since my ass didn’t do it last night. I am loving all the support I get from the ML fit page! I facebook creep the page all day lol. Big shout out to Mama Laughlin because without her blog, I wouldn’t have found the fit page! Loved Mama L’s blog post the other day! And I love how candid and open she is! I, like many of you eessed some mean D the other night especially because of her post!  So to all the haters sending hateful comments anonymously - you are LAME!!

Hope all you hookers have an awesome weekend!!


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Time to catch my breath

I have not posted in almost a week. The past week has been so hectic and emotional. I found out last week that my best friends brother was in the hospital again. He is in need of a new heart and is at the top of the donor list. He had an LVAD put in a couple months ago and that quit working. Since last Thursday he has had 4, yes I said FOUR open heart surgeries. They are like my second family and I love them dearly! I can't believe something like this is happening to such good hearted people, but God has a plan for everyone. So I pray daily and leave it in His hands.

On top of that my hubby and I have not been in a good place, I mean do single women these days not know how to leave a married man alone?? Really whorebag he is mine and he is not going to leave me for you, so get the eff over it!!  We finally made a renewed commitment to be better communicating with each other so it should only get better from here!!

I took my measurements, weight, and before pics on Sunday (Sept.30th) night. I was horified. Do people really see me this way? I couldn't believe how far I have let myself go and I felt ashamed! It gave me even more determination to go for this and do soething for myself for a change!! I am alwys putting everyone else in front of myself and it's time to be a little selfish! I started the JM challenge yesterday and man I felt the burn!! Today is day 2 and even though I am so sore I am ready to do it!

 I am reaady to make October the best month of this year so far! Just blogging all this makes me feel better. I got this!!!!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Small Steps

So, today has been a great day so far and I couldn't wait to share! I don't know why I am in such a great mood but I am!! I know it's going to be a struggle but today was easier than yesterday and I'm hoping tomorrow will be easier than today!

 Today I passed up a Ckick fil A biscuit this morning, a piece of cake at lunch, and a piece of birthday cake just now at work!! WHAT??!! I know, I know… LOL I had my shake for breakfast, salad for lunch, and nothing but water!! Woot woot!! Haha

But for real the only logical explanation I have is that I am finally ready to start and not stop!! Plus, I prayed about a lot of things including my struggle really hard last night, so that has a lot to do with it! HE never fails me J Just thought I’d share! And toot my own horn for a minute! Ha! Small victories ;)

There is so much motivation and inspiration around me I just need to look in the right dierection! I can do it!I will do it! Nobody is going to stop me!

Got some 3lb weights today so I can start the 30DS TONIGHT! Why wait?! I am tired of waiting and I am no longer going to sit around and feel sorry for myself or down on myself. I am going to do something about it, because nobody else can or will!!

Let's do this damn thing ladies!!!!


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Eye Opener

Confession time:
I keep saying that I am ready for this challenge and that I am ready to change my life for the better and lose this weight and keep it off for good!! I keep saying that I will start now and not quit so I don't have to keep starting over again!! But my actions speak otherwise and I am so disapointed in myself right now! I did lose a pound from last Tuesday to this Tuesday but I have not started exercising yet and I am still eating some unhealthy things!

Wake up call:
Last night I got a wake up call!! My hubby and I had been fighting all evening. Over what you ask? Money! I hate this but we fight about it all the time but that's a story for a different day. He then tells me that I need to sell my elliptical trainer I have at home because I never use it. That he wasted his hard earned money on it (I work a full time job also!!) and it just sits collecting dust. He then tells me that I keep making excuses about not using it and always say that I am going to start.

I try to tell him about the JM 30DS and the C25K app that I put on my iphone so I can start both of these in October. To him it's just another excuse I am using. As I sat in my bathroom crying ( I am a big cry baby, don't judge) I thought to myself.... I am not mad at him, I am mad at myself because don't ever  tell him I said this, but he was right! I was making excuses in the past and I did keep saying I was going to start and then continue to eat horribly and not work out! I always have good intentions but somehow I get right back to the place where I feel unworthy and food is my comfort. Plus, it is so hard when I am the only one doing it at home! I keep trying to get him to join me, with no success.

Seems crazy but now that I have heard him say that I'm not going to do it, I want to do it even more to prove him and everybody else wrong!!!! I have many haters who would like to see me fail. I would love nothing more than to do this for myself and I think I deserve it!!

Now I need to clarify:
 I love my husband very much!! He is one of my biggest supporters! He just gets frustrated (just like I do) because I am only hindering myself from success! I know that when reading things like these people can get the wrong idea , but if you know me and him you know that we love eachother very much!! Every couple fights but at the end of the day he is my rock! I hope that I can show him that I can do it and in the midst of a fight he unknowingly gave me the push that I need!!!!

On a positive note: I am so excited to start the JM 30DS in October and the challenge from October 17th to December 5th on the Fit page !! I am ready and I know these ladies will hold me accountable and give me motivation and inspiration!!!!


Monday, September 24, 2012

Monday Mentality

It's Monday and a new day to start fresh! So I am having a hard time getting that "Monday Mentality" out of my life! What is "Monday Mentality" you ask? Well, to me it is eating good all week and then doing just plain horrible on the weekends! Telling myself that I can "start over" on Monday every week! It's killing my weight loss and motivation!! It is easier for me during the week because I work all day. On the weekends I am at home with my hubby and kiddos all day and we eat out alot. One of my goals will be to start trying to plan better for those times. I need to plan meals and workouts for the weekends and not just the week. Even when my hubby requests something fom a restraunt I need to get it in my mind that I will not eat the unhealthy food and continue with what I have planned for myself! I know nobody but me is going to help me do this! I need to turn to my inner skinny goddess and help her break free!! Happy Monday


Friday, September 21, 2012

This is really hard

Such a fustrating Friday! Came to work and of course there is donuts, so I had one. Probably because I need to get this emotional eating under control and don't know how! I was in a bad mood before I even walked thru the door today. Totally off weight topic I was so mad because my mother in law told me weeks ago she would keep my two girls while I went to Bunco. Once a month I have a group of girls and we all get together and play. She of course backs out at the last minute, because she can never keep her word. EVER. But that's a story for another day. Anyhoo I can't keep letting food be what I turn to every time I am sad, mad, or whatever! Writing in my blog is helping a lot! I also need to learn to speak up to people instead of stuffing my face with food to stuff down my words and emotions. I am bad about just keeping my mouth shut (with words anyway) and not saying anything. It builds and builds until one day it just explodes! This is something I need to work on also to help me with my problem with food. On another note I need to go to the grocery store and get healthy things to replace all the bad things at home. At least then if I want to eat my feelings I can be eating healthy! I can't wait to start the JM 30DS in October for all 31 days!! It will be a challenge for me, but I am SO ready for it! With all the support for the Fit page I know I can get thru it with all the other inspiring, motivating women!!! Ahhh I feel so much better and I am not goning to let this ruin my weekend!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Just the begining (Again).....

"If you are tired of starting over, then stop giving up" This is the motto I need taped to my refrigerator, pantry door, bathroom mirror, hell every door in my house! This is my first post in my new blog that I started because well reading blogs is my new obsession, and beacause I decided that maybe, just maybe if I start writing my feelings I wouldn't eat them!! That's right, I am a compulsive eater and an over eater. I have struggled with weight most of my life and done so many "diets" I couldn't even count them all. Losing weight on them just to turn around and gain 2x the weight back. It is like the never ending cycle of my life! So let's just start with a little backround first and go from there. My parents got divorced when I was 5 years old and my little sister was 3. My mom was too into her partying and other man to want anything to do with raising her two girls. My dad got his own apartment and we lived with him. He worked in the oil field and was gone all the time. We stayed with our aunt (his sister) and her 4 girls most of the time while he worked. When he was home, we were home with him. He was such a great dad! Fast forward a couple years and my dad and mom both got remarried. We continued to live with my dad and new step mom and saw my mom and step dad every other weekend. At my mom's I got to do and eat whatever I wanted. I was always told that I was the human "garbage disposal" and they would say "give it to Shawna, she will eat it". I actually think I ate alot at that time because I was seeking attention and I got attention that way. Definately NOT the attention I needed as a young girl. Through out my child hood I remember food being my saviour. Sounds fucked up , right? Well, it was a major comfort to me when life got all confused for me, a child of divorce, a little girl who is molested by her uncle, and forced to grow up way too soon and not get to be "just a kid". Food is what I turned to, to stuff down everything else going on around me. To this day I still struggle with food and the comfort I think it provides me. This cycle has GOT to stop! I have to get all these things out and work on them and move forward. I think keeping all this anger, hurt, resentment, and sadness is truly holding me back from the person that I want to be. I am hoping that writing everyday in this blog is going to help me. I hope it is anyway, even if nobody reads it. Just throwing it all out into the universe is so freeing! So I am sorry for the longest first post in a blog in history! LOL But my hopes are that someone can be able to realte to it, be it as a woman, an over eater, a child of divorce, or just someone struggling with the same things I am and have.


P.S. I am posting a pic of now so I can be accountable and have a "before" pic to work on!!