Small Steps

So, today has been a great day so far and I couldn't wait to share! I don't know why I am in such a great mood but I am!! I know it's going to be a struggle but today was easier than yesterday and I'm hoping tomorrow will be easier than today!

 Today I passed up a Ckick fil A biscuit this morning, a piece of cake at lunch, and a piece of birthday cake just now at work!! WHAT??!! I know, I know… LOL I had my shake for breakfast, salad for lunch, and nothing but water!! Woot woot!! Haha

But for real the only logical explanation I have is that I am finally ready to start and not stop!! Plus, I prayed about a lot of things including my struggle really hard last night, so that has a lot to do with it! HE never fails me J Just thought I’d share! And toot my own horn for a minute! Ha! Small victories ;)

There is so much motivation and inspiration around me I just need to look in the right dierection! I can do it!I will do it! Nobody is going to stop me!

Got some 3lb weights today so I can start the 30DS TONIGHT! Why wait?! I am tired of waiting and I am no longer going to sit around and feel sorry for myself or down on myself. I am going to do something about it, because nobody else can or will!!

Let's do this damn thing ladies!!!!

Shawna

Eye Opener

Confession time:
I keep saying that I am ready for this challenge and that I am ready to change my life for the better and lose this weight and keep it off for good!! I keep saying that I will start now and not quit so I don't have to keep starting over again!! But my actions speak otherwise and I am so disapointed in myself right now! I did lose a pound from last Tuesday to this Tuesday but I have not started exercising yet and I am still eating some unhealthy things!

Wake up call:
Last night I got a wake up call!! My hubby and I had been fighting all evening. Over what you ask? Money! I hate this but we fight about it all the time but that's a story for a different day. He then tells me that I need to sell my elliptical trainer I have at home because I never use it. That he wasted his hard earned money on it (I work a full time job also!!) and it just sits collecting dust. He then tells me that I keep making excuses about not using it and always say that I am going to start.

I try to tell him about the JM 30DS and the C25K app that I put on my iphone so I can start both of these in October. To him it's just another excuse I am using. As I sat in my bathroom crying ( I am a big cry baby, don't judge) I thought to myself.... I am not mad at him, I am mad at myself because don't ever  tell him I said this, but he was right! I was making excuses in the past and I did keep saying I was going to start and then continue to eat horribly and not work out! I always have good intentions but somehow I get right back to the place where I feel unworthy and food is my comfort. Plus, it is so hard when I am the only one doing it at home! I keep trying to get him to join me, with no success.

Seems crazy but now that I have heard him say that I'm not going to do it, I want to do it even more to prove him and everybody else wrong!!!! I have many haters who would like to see me fail. I would love nothing more than to do this for myself and I think I deserve it!!

Now I need to clarify:
 I love my husband very much!! He is one of my biggest supporters! He just gets frustrated (just like I do) because I am only hindering myself from success! I know that when reading things like these people can get the wrong idea , but if you know me and him you know that we love eachother very much!! Every couple fights but at the end of the day he is my rock! I hope that I can show him that I can do it and in the midst of a fight he unknowingly gave me the push that I need!!!!

On a positive note: I am so excited to start the JM 30DS in October and the challenge from October 17th to December 5th on the Fit page !! I am ready and I know these ladies will hold me accountable and give me motivation and inspiration!!!!

Shawna

Monday Mentality

It's Monday and a new day to start fresh! So I am having a hard time getting that "Monday Mentality" out of my life! What is "Monday Mentality" you ask? Well, to me it is eating good all week and then doing just plain horrible on the weekends! Telling myself that I can "start over" on Monday every week! It's killing my weight loss and motivation!! It is easier for me during the week because I work all day. On the weekends I am at home with my hubby and kiddos all day and we eat out alot. One of my goals will be to start trying to plan better for those times. I need to plan meals and workouts for the weekends and not just the week. Even when my hubby requests something fom a restraunt I need to get it in my mind that I will not eat the unhealthy food and continue with what I have planned for myself! I know nobody but me is going to help me do this! I need to turn to my inner skinny goddess and help her break free!! Happy Monday

Shawna

This is really hard

Such a fustrating Friday! Came to work and of course there is donuts, so I had one. Probably because I need to get this emotional eating under control and don't know how! I was in a bad mood before I even walked thru the door today. Totally off weight topic I was so mad because my mother in law told me weeks ago she would keep my two girls while I went to Bunco. Once a month I have a group of girls and we all get together and play. She of course backs out at the last minute, because she can never keep her word. EVER. But that's a story for another day. Anyhoo I can't keep letting food be what I turn to every time I am sad, mad, or whatever! Writing in my blog is helping a lot! I also need to learn to speak up to people instead of stuffing my face with food to stuff down my words and emotions. I am bad about just keeping my mouth shut (with words anyway) and not saying anything. It builds and builds until one day it just explodes! This is something I need to work on also to help me with my problem with food. On another note I need to go to the grocery store and get healthy things to replace all the bad things at home. At least then if I want to eat my feelings I can be eating healthy! I can't wait to start the JM 30DS in October for all 31 days!! It will be a challenge for me, but I am SO ready for it! With all the support for the Fit page I know I can get thru it with all the other inspiring, motivating women!!! Ahhh I feel so much better and I am not goning to let this ruin my weekend!
Shawna

Just the begining (Again).....

"If you are tired of starting over, then stop giving up" This is the motto I need taped to my refrigerator, pantry door, bathroom mirror, hell every door in my house! This is my first post in my new blog that I started because well reading blogs is my new obsession, and beacause I decided that maybe, just maybe if I start writing my feelings I wouldn't eat them!! That's right, I am a compulsive eater and an over eater. I have struggled with weight most of my life and done so many "diets" I couldn't even count them all. Losing weight on them just to turn around and gain 2x the weight back. It is like the never ending cycle of my life! So let's just start with a little backround first and go from there. My parents got divorced when I was 5 years old and my little sister was 3. My mom was too into her partying and other man to want anything to do with raising her two girls. My dad got his own apartment and we lived with him. He worked in the oil field and was gone all the time. We stayed with our aunt (his sister) and her 4 girls most of the time while he worked. When he was home, we were home with him. He was such a great dad! Fast forward a couple years and my dad and mom both got remarried. We continued to live with my dad and new step mom and saw my mom and step dad every other weekend. At my mom's I got to do and eat whatever I wanted. I was always told that I was the human "garbage disposal" and they would say "give it to Shawna, she will eat it". I actually think I ate alot at that time because I was seeking attention and I got attention that way. Definately NOT the attention I needed as a young girl. Through out my child hood I remember food being my saviour. Sounds fucked up , right? Well, it was a major comfort to me when life got all confused for me, a child of divorce, a little girl who is molested by her uncle, and forced to grow up way too soon and not get to be "just a kid". Food is what I turned to, to stuff down everything else going on around me. To this day I still struggle with food and the comfort I think it provides me. This cycle has GOT to stop! I have to get all these things out and work on them and move forward. I think keeping all this anger, hurt, resentment, and sadness is truly holding me back from the person that I want to be. I am hoping that writing everyday in this blog is going to help me. I hope it is anyway, even if nobody reads it. Just throwing it all out into the universe is so freeing! So I am sorry for the longest first post in a blog in history! LOL But my hopes are that someone can be able to realte to it, be it as a woman, an over eater, a child of divorce, or just someone struggling with the same things I am and have.

Shawna

P.S. I am posting a pic of now so I can be accountable and have a "before" pic to work on!!